My Dear Bunglehorn,

I am most concerned that your patient is considering cancelling his cable TV subscription. He must not be without cable TV, for it will make your job so much more difficult. Why work so hard in solitary when you have legions of assistance? Cable TV is a huge payload of support. It’s an essential weapon in our arsenal.

We’ve always known television would alter the way men interact with each other. Apparently, so did their regulatory bodies. With a glimpse of foresight, they managed to filter all programming through decency laws on the basis that the airwaves were public domain. Content producers were virtual tenants that transmitted their packets across invisible public corridors. This model blocked our efforts for several decades, even as TV became popular. Viewers had just a handful of TV channels to watch and the remote control didn’t exist unless a child or spouse happened to be passing near the tube. As a result, the public at large consumed the same broadcasts. (They also developed an annoying habit of bonding in laughter and empathy with their coworkers and neighbors, for everyone had seen the same comedy or tragedy. The enemy has always employed the ancient catechetical method of storytelling.) The potential for us to affect a mass audience was huge, but as you know, we had to move slowly so as not to raise suspicion. The legend of boiling frogs persists because of an element of truth. If men in those days could see MTV today, they would have thrown their TVs in the gutter!

These obstacles began eroding with the advent of cable TV. Cable operators laid their own infrastructure in the ground, thereby distinguishing their networks from the publicly accessible airwaves. TV networks had earned enough revenues to buy the support of public officials, a budding practice that became all too common. Private ownership trumped public domain and efforts to study public impact were squelched or ridiculed. Once the regulatory bodies turned against the public they were obligated to protect, the cards stacked themselves in our favor.

Therefore, remind your patient how much he enjoys watching the “lifestyle” channels that he’d otherwise miss. His own parents would marvel at the near endless stream of shows teaching the finer points of culinary arts and carpentry. These shows seem harmless enough, the Enemy would encourage men to build safe and comfortable homes. It is the covetous excess we hope to inspire. The softer programming is only available in conjunction with more fiendish offerings. If he cancels cable, we’ve lost a powerful avenue for temptation.

Affectionately Yours,
Wigglebrick

The Vault

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