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This site is a Roman Catholic fiction and commentary blog written in the epistolary style of The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis. More »

Clearasil Gives Admen Confidence

By Prof. Ernest Thornberry
July 26th, 2007

Clearasil Gives Admen Confidence

Dear Bunglehorn,

Check out the new Clearasil commercials airing on prime-time. They’re perfect fodder for your patient, especially “Mom” showing a teenage boy hitting on his friend’s mother, followed by the tagline, “Clearasil gives you confidence.”

Brilliant! I can’t decide what I like better: the boy-chases-mom phenomenon going ultra mainstream or knowing that people will hardly bat an eye (other than a few overly sensitive parents and teachers). You can follow our broad MILF campaign quite easily, from seedy porn websites a decade ago, to the coming of age movie, American Pie, to a familiar pop song and now to Clearasil running more of their sexual innuendo ads for kids. Yeah baby, Stacy’s Mom really do got it going on!

These new Clearasil ads carry two of my favorite themes. The first is pitting kids against authority, namely teachers and parents. This is especially helpful in our resistance of a universal Church with a patriarchic hierarchy and formal doctrine. The second theme is how sexual conquest makes a boy a man and a girl a woman.

Get these ads in front of your patient, ideally around a group of 20-30 something guys drinking, say while playing poker or watching a Pay Per View fight. Younger men tend to one-up each other, inevitably boasting their sexual conquests, real or fantasy, before they mature to the point of realizing what utter fools they are.

By no means should he watch this commercial in the presence of women. He’ll find their disgust to be unpalatable. If this accidentally happens, just hint that they don’t “get” sophomoric humor, how “boys will be boys.” Don’t let him realize therein is his problem, he’s thinking as a boy, not as a man.

And don’t let him see the media’s hypocrisy: they play commercials hinting at teen-adult sexuality, then pounce on salacious teacher-student scandals. Their news uncovers all the sordid details, because they care, because it must stop.

Look how far we’ve come since the Sexual Revolution. In 1967, Dustin Hoffman was a young man home from college in The Graduate who fought off the advances of an older married female neighbor. Today, the boys are the aggressors and they are much much younger. Now we’re trying to flip roles (young girls and older men) but despite feminist demands for gender equality, this seems innately perverted to the masses. Give it time.

Warmest Regards,
Wigglebrick

2 Comments to “Clearasil Gives Admen Confidence”

  1. 1

    My dear Wigglebrick,
    Your advice to the obviously barely semi-competent tempter Bunglehorn is on par with what our esteemed colleague Screwtape (now head of the Teaching College) wrote to that late, non-lamented dolt, Wormwood.

    However, we must take more care to wrest these communiques from our patients’ hands. Our existence and continued success is based largely on our patients remaining ignorant of our presence. The great Screwtape spoke of this in his missives.

    They whine “the devil made me do it” which is laughable considering that we merely make suggestions. Their sordid little minds leap immediately to the correct conclusions. Delicious, isn’t it?

    But the Enemy is always lurking, whispering in our patients’ ears. Why can’t he spare us one or two of the lesser variety occasionally? It isn’t as though the Enemy’s camp is enriched by their presence, although he considers each of the vermin precious in his sight. How tiresome he is!

    Continue the good work. Your fellow tempters are cheering you on–and very ready to take your place should you fail.
    Best,
    Slickrake

    (It’s a great blog and I enjoy the heck out of it!)

    Slickrake

  2. 2

    Slickrake, so good to hear from you. I’m glad to hear of Screwtape’s advance. Your comments are spot on, LOL. Thank you very much for your discouraging encouragement! Don’t be a stranger.

    (seriously :) )

    Wigglebrick

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