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Mother Russia’s Conception Day

By Prof. Ernest Thornberry
October 29th, 2007

Mother Russia's Conception Day

Dear Bunglehorn,

It’s been several weeks since the Russian Government sent their citizenry home to “make babies” for Conception Day. This twisted September 12 holiday is nine months before their national holiday, Russia Day, on June 12 and new mothers are discovering they are pregnant. Oi vey, their joy makes me miserable.

This is a bittersweet moment for us. On one hand, I’m frustrated that the government is doing anything to support life. We had such a grip on this nation during the Communist era that we can confidently take credit for the low birth rate. We began losing the fight shortly after the Iron Curtain fell, in line with the Marian Appparitions about Russia to St. Bernadette at Lourdes.

On the other hand, Russia’s reaction is testimony to the powerful global overpopulation myth we’ve propogated for decades. At the end of the Agrarian Age and the beginning of the Industrial Revolution, we’ve championed government dependency because, among other benefits, it positions population growth as harmful to economic growth. Policies inherently discourage large families because they become a strain on a government responsible for their welfare.

We convinced people that poverty is caused by overpopulation. As a result, birth rates throughout Asia and Europe have plummeted below the threshhold required to sustain life, let alone wealth distribution policies that depend on the country’s ability to renew it’s own population.

Steve Mosher at the Population Research Institute (PRI) is working tirelessly to debunk our myths following his personal observation of the destructive forced abortion policies in China. He’s cast a blinding light on the human rights abuses caused by population control. He’s a very strong advocate for policies that allow population growth and promote economic development in ways that respect the dignity of people.

PRI is already having an impact in Western Europe. France has instituted policies that are reversing the downward trend of their birth rates, including support for working families

Now Mosher is disrupting our campaigns throughout Latin America to promote abortion through various legislative bodies. Here is Part One of one of their more effective pieces of propaganda:

And Part Two:

I’ve mentioned the PRI previously in my missive on the Sexualization of Girls. Keep an eye on him. and don’t ever let your patient discover his work.

Warmest Regards,

Time Will Tell if the Pope Misbehaves

By Prof. Ernest Thornberry
September 10th, 2007

Will the Pope Behave

Dear Bunglehorn,

Time is wondering if Pope Benedict XVI will behave during his trip to Austria. What a scream! I love the imagery of a misbehaving pope. Such a juicy little seed to plant in your patient’s mind. Especially since it blames the Holy See for the murder and mayhem following his “provacative” lecture a year earlier at the University of Regensberg.

Time attributes the ensuing riots as the most significant moment of his papacy. I love how the MSM will forever stain him with the violence of others. With insidious pleasure, I expect an entire body of Catholic apologetics required to counter our perpetual myths about what Pope Benedict actually said and did. Most people will fail to recognize their own prejudices. They blame the hapless pope on the premise that Muslims are inciteable, incabable of rational dialog, so why bother. How silly are the believers!

Deeper down, the article criticizes the pope for not acknowledging forced conversions on indigenous people of Latin America. Hysterical. Time fails to acknowledge that the Catholic Church has never condoned forced conversions. Time also disregards the universal apology by the pope’s predecessor, which Benedict surely helped craft as Cardinal Ratzinger, and the proclamation that religion cannot be forced without violating free will.

There are examples of the spread of Christianity by the sword, and I’m proud to say those were generally driven by our own hand in misguided zeal. Nonetheless, one can look to the Barbarians to see examples of the conquerors becoming converted to early Christianity. Since so few people study history, it’s quite easy to continue propogating lies and half-truths over the span of centuries.

And while Time openly critizizes the spread of Christianity in the Americas hundreds of years ago, other religious zealots are forcing conversions as we speak. The MSM’s silence is bliss. We’re convincing the world that martyrdom is the taking of life, not the giving of life.

Don’t miss the article’s finalé. With scarcely a word on the celebration of the 850th anniversary of the Marian shrine of Mariazell, the reason for the pope’s trip, the article recalls allegations of sexual abuse by the Archbishop of Vienna Hans Wilhelm Groer. After picking these scabs, Time concludes, “Indeed, some will consider the trip a success — even if a quiet one — if Benedict can simply heal old wounds rather than open new ones.” Spot on! Can they be anymore offensive?

Catholics may be surprised to see such harsh criticism in an enduring and popular periodical like Time. After-all, the famous red-border covers and world-class photography have become pieces of Americana as much as the subjects it covers. And in recent years, it has brought pro-Christian pieces I detested, especially, Hail Mary, a pro-Marian feature that helps clarify our Mary-worship myths and marvels at her growing allure to Protestants.

Even on the subject of Mother Teresa, Time has been especially charitable. They featured her on the Dec 29, 1975 cover, “Living Saints: Messangers of Love and Hope.” In 1999, she received a hero’s accolades in The Time 100, an article that blasts the media for pidgeonholing Calcutta as a dysfunctional dying city and describes it’s citizens as “vociferously in love with Mother Teresa.” Seeing the streets lined with throngs of mourners during her funeral procession confirms this.

In fighting for the dignity of the destitute in a foreign land, [Mother Teresa] gave the world a moral example that bridged divides of culture, class and religion.
Bharati Mukherjee
Time, June 14, 1999


Today, Time has shifted toward the provocative. Compare for example, Crisis of Faith, where they find Mother Teresa guilty of hypocrisy. Mukherjee predicted this in his own Time article just a few years prior. “It is the fate of moral crusaders to be vulnerable to charges of hypocrisy or have the arbitrary selectiveness of their campaigns held against them.”

The irony is, Time, who hints at self-contradiction in Mother Teresa, is guilty themselves. Dinesh D’Souza, the emerging Catholic writer and pundit, countered the hit piece easily in his brief article. Is it really so difficult to imagine that someone immersed in such loneliness and suffering of others would cry out from the wilderness? You and I can take comfort that D’Souza’s response has a fraction of the visibility of Time.

Time interprets the anguished ruminations of Mother Teresa of Calcutta as a “startling portrait of self-contradiction” as if Mother Teresa was one person in public and another in private.
Dinesh D’Souza
Mother Teresa’s Dark Night of the Soul


I suggest your patient subscribe to Time pronto. Better yet, find a colleague, a tempter of your patient’s friend and suggest she buy a subscription for him. He’ll be less apt to cancel such a magnicent gift.

Warmest Regards,

Hypocrisy: The Greatest Sin

By Prof. Ernest Thornberry
September 3rd, 2007

Hypocrisy: The Greatest Sin

Dear Bunglehorn,

Senator Larry Craig’s resignation following his arrest for cruising an undercover policeman in the Minneapolis-St. Paul Airport restroom presents a golden opportunity to win points through hypocrisy. He’s been pummeled in the media during a week’s worth of news cycles, so his guilt in the public arena is assured. Let’s accept his impropriety as fact and not concern ourselves with anything less, since your patient will surely join the catcalls of late night comedians.

So we begin: Senator Craig is a hypocrite. Today, hypocrisy is the most foul state of a man, to profess one thing and do another. It’s quite natural for a person to be angry when a hypocrite preaches morality, then fails to live morally. Such a man should know better, yet he fails.

Oh you must incite this anger and disgust in your patient! You’ll find that it shades his own faults from his eyes. Is your patient not a repentant sinner too? Does he not feel remorse for doing things he knows he shouldn’t? Does he not feel guilty for not doing things he knows he should? Yes, of course, a little self-examination by honest men reveals they are all hypocrites. And this awareness is an early catalyst in their desire to sin no more, to be better people, to turn around and face their Creator with humility and beg forgiveness. Therefore, illustrate for him the shortcomings of others so that he’ll conclude that he’s not as bad as them.

If you get this far, congratulations are in order. You’ve devalued the actual immoral behavior and elevated a lesser charge of hypocrisy. You’ve also caused your patient to judge the salvation of others. This is key, because he not only presumes to withhold the Enemy’s infinite grace from his fellow man, but he presumes that he is worthy of infinite grace. In other words, he makes his Creator in his own image, his own false idol, and thereby breaks the first commandment. Kudos and huzzah!

Hypocrisy: The Greatest Sin

And yet, I challenge you to do more. It’s easy to recognize hypocrisy, but can you convince him that there is no need for moral standards? Don’t hold back, Bunglehorn, this is easier than you think.

I submit to you from recent memory, the case of Jim McGreevey, the former Governor of New Jersey, a husband and father, who resigned when an aide threatened to expose their homosexual relationship. Contrary to Senator Craig, McGreevey’s indiscretions were immediately forgiven. The MSM lionized him because he had the courage to put himself in front of others at the risk of losing everything. He enjoyed a book deal, the accolades of Oprah and scores of favorable articles. He is contemplating a call to the Episcopalian priesthood. Meanwhile, his family quietly suffered a fractured private life and the underlying matters of infidelity are disregarded.

Where are the defenders of homosexual rights for Senator Craig? Where is the “It’s just sex!” crowd that vehemently defended President Bill Clinton’s infidelities? They are in the back of the crowd, lobbing hypocrite bombs just as they did with Congressman Mark Foley last year. They stand with Larry Flint, publisher of Hustler magazine, hell-bent on exposing anyone espousing “family values,” and then failing to be a good husband and father. These people believe absolute morality does not exist. Morality is in the eye of the beholder. This is exactly the position we want your patient to adopt.

Warmest Regards,

Hypocrisy: The Greatest Sin

Sanctity of Parenthood

By Prof. Ernest Thornberry
August 27th, 2007

Sanctity of Parenthood

Dear Bunglehorn,

Have you ever wondered why the Enemy’s Church considers “openness to life” to be an essential disposition for a couple discerning a vocation to marriage? There are many reasons, but primarily it is because children help orient their parents toward the Enemy. It is commonly understood that parents sanctify, or make holy, their children. It is less commonly understood how children sanctify their parents. Here are a few key ways as well as preventative actions you can take to block the sanctity of everyone.

Parenthood Fosters Selflessness

Humans live somewhere in a continuum between selfishness and selflessness. As a fetus and as an infant, the person is completely dependent on her mother to sustain her life. St. Augustine begins here in Confessions and admits his own selfishness as a child who demanded the attention of his parents. The way to eternal life is narrow and requires the denial of one’s own selfishness.

Generally, as people mature and become more self-aware, they tend towards caring for others. A selfish adult is also an immature person, having never received some need that the Enemy intended to be fulfilled in their relationship with their parents, such as sincere love simply for who they are.

Marriage introduces a real opportunity to sacrifice one’s self for someone else (and receive abundant love in return). As a new parent (and this is especially true for men), the roles finally reverse and people learn to sacrifice their own wants and needs for their children just as their own parents once did for them. In fact, this is often the time people have renewed respect for their parents, so it’s reason alone for you and I to thwart any notion of parenthood! For new parents, they give up sleep and comfort, quality time with each other, and quality time with the Creator.

Sacrifice is a obviously and important lesson the Enemy wishes to impart. He emptied himself completely for mankind. We never want our patients emulating acts of selfishness, lest they too become Christ-like and we lose them forever.

Your Objective
Elevate in your patients all the things they’d have to give up in order to have children. Create in them worldly desires they’ve dreamt about since childhood: the big house, the luxury sports car, exotic travel, nightlife, whatever. This is especially powerful for couples who do not yet have children because they cannot adequately compare the sheer joy and fulfillment that accompanies the gift of children. For those who unfortunately are parents, remind them often of the DINK days (dual-income, no kids) and how wonderful it was to go to the movies, eat in fine restaurants and jet-off for a weekend getaway.

Parenthood Fosters Love of Spouse

Despite the stress from lack of sleep, eating quick microwave meals on the go and loss of intimacy, both spiritual and physical, the astute parent will witness in his or her spouse the very qualities that attracted them in the first place. people tend to take for granted the kind deeds their friends and family do for them. Indeed, they may never know the sacrifices their own parents made for them until they finally become parents. The same is true for husband and wife.

You’ll note, however, it is much easier to see the good deeds someone does for others. At home, each parent witnesses the love and patience and tenderness given by their spouse to the kids, especially at times they are not able to. They see the midnight feedings without complaint. They see the comfort and hugs when the child is sick. They here the gales of laughter and admiration their beloved child has for the other parent. They’re reminded of the love their spouse has for them and their marriage is incredibly strengthened.

Should your patient ever begin praying aloud with his wife and children, I dare-say you’ve lost them. It is extremely powerful for a person to see their spouse ask the Enemy for forgiveness or ask for blessings or give thanksgiving and praise.

Your Objective
Again, tilt your patient’s head toward his spouses mistakes. Needle little fights over minor issues and explode any hint of offense, especially when none is intended. Encourage the undermining of each other’s authority in front of the children. It’s amazing how even a two year old learns to pit mommy and daddy against each other.

Never encourage any kind of acknowledgment or thanksgiving when a parent notices their spouse going the extra mile. Just tell your patient that their spouse knows they appreciate them. And by all means, make family prayer feel as uncomfortable as possible! Remind everyone that prayer is a personal relationship with their Creator. It’s bad enough during Christmas and Easter.

Parenthood Fosters Love of the Creator

It is no mistake the Enemy speaks through parent-child allegories. He is the Eternal Father and everyone else is his children. He disciplines them harshly when they first came to know him (see Old Testament) and lovingly encourages them as they mature (see New Testament).

The Son of Man loves children because, in their natural innocence, they retain a sense of wonderment at his creation. They instinctively know and follow him as is the natural order. By their teenage years (or sooner if we can help it), kids witness the harshness of the world, an indirect result of Original Sin by their first parents in the Garden. Most people today cling to a jaded, skeptical worldview out of fear and defensiveness well into adulthood. Just as we’d prefer.

However, it is a parent who is most apt to shed their “protective” shield and is willing to see the world anew. How? By observing the awe and wonder exhibited by their own children in the simple things they’ve come to take for granted. When a child marvels at a caterpillar, the parent shares his admiration. When a child laughs at silly joke, the parent shares in simple joy. They reclaim a sense of innocence and you’ll quickly find they desire greatly to prolong the experience.

Have you ever noticed that the Enemy instituted his Sacraments, the visible signs of his love for humanity, amid ordinary things like bread, wine, oil and water? Is he really so accessible? Yes he is. For a child, all ordinary things are extraordinary when first observed. A parent is reminded of the Enemy’s love for them when they witness their own child’s wonder in day-to-day common plain old things and routines.

Your Objective
Put blinders on your patients so they concentrate on the boring and mundane. You want them to take the physical beauty around them for granted because over time, they will lose sight of the mystical. Eastern mysticism is all but lost in the West today outside of the Catholic Mass or our own prism of the New Age.

For parents, you want to accentuate any sense of futility with their children. Well up in men their natural impatience and frustration when children do not listen or understand them. Strike chords of annoyance and overbearing instruction. In women, pervert their motherly instincts so that they coddle children to the point they never experience the world. You want to raise children that fail to develop any meaningful appreciation of the Creator’s work, or at least take it for granted.

Final Thoughts

Marriage is a powerful sacramental weapon in the Enemy’s arsenal and a sure path to Heaven. Parenthood is a key component, so avoid it all costs. Thankfully the divorce culture is trending toward people marrying later (if at all) and postponing child rearing (if at all). It shouldn’t be difficult to convince people to wait. Remind them of all the other great things the world has to offer.

Warmest Regards,

Swans in tow

Mercy and Web Permanence

By Prof. Ernest Thornberry
August 15th, 2007

Mercy and Web Permanence

Dear Bunglehorn,

As you’re fully aware, the Enemy’s Church is founded on mercy, forgiveness and compassion. His entire mission on Earth is redemption (I say is, not was as his mission is unending.). He loves his creation so much, he gave his only son in exchange for their salvation.

You never want your patient exhibiting mercy, forgiveness or compassion. The more he conveys these “gifts” on others, the better he feels, and the harder he is to convert to our Father below. He actually becomes more Christ-like when he gives grace, just as the Enemy gave grace to him. Therefore, it is in our interest to prohibit love and grace. How?

Time and Healing

There is truth in clichés: Time heals all wounds, forgive and forget, out of sight, out of mind. It is not the Enemy’s intent for man to live amid pain and suffering. He is merciful, so his creation tends toward self-healing simply through the passage of time.

Therefore, we must stop time in order to stop natural healing. Believe it or not, man has finally entered an era where stopping time is quite possible. More on that in a moment.

First, we need to understand the impact of data and knowledge in the information age. Consider how the “speed of life” moves faster for man today than for his industrial and agrarian ancestors (we’ve discussed this before, see Theology of Unrest). Convenience and materialism compel people to fill their lives with stuff, they’re always on the GO GO GO! Yet healing and compassion are still slow. Why? Let me explain the connection between data storage and forgiveness.

Data Modeling 101

Data Begets Information
Data is the most basic element of knowledge. One piece of data may not be insightful. however, when combined with other pieces of data, information is formed. A cow’s runny nose may not raise concern for a dairy farmer, but combine this data point with lack of appetite, a dull coat and mucous eyes, he draws the conclusion that she’s sick.


Information Begets Knowledge.
Islands of information can feel disjointed and irrelevant. How much more useful is academic theory once it can be applied, observed, measured and studied?

If the dairy farmer knows a parasite is spreading throughout his herd, he is powerless to act without more information. He needs collective information on such matters as how to operate machinery, corralling methods, cattle medicine & vaccines, veterinary resources, etc. These pieces of information combined give him the knowledge needed to respond. Knowledge empowers man to act. His ability to properly diagnose a problem, plus his comprehension of treatment options, enables him to properly choose a course of action.


Man understands that the preservation of knowledge assists his natural fight for survival. In the spiritual battle between Good and Evil, we recognize that knowledge forms his intellect in order that people may freely choose the Enemy or reject the Enemy. If we can break the chain of knowledge, either with false data or wrong information, we harm his intellect.

With data playing such a critical role in the formation of knowledge, we naturally aim to skew it to our advantage. Obviously, we do this through subtly, deception and lies (changing data or misinterpreting information), but we can also add noise to skew results. We can inundate man with data to the point he cannot discern what is meaningful and what is useless. He’ll be inclined to save everything with the hope of parsing it later. Today, man’s finely-tuned capacity and desire to harness data sets him apart from his ancestors. It’s the beginning of a new era of knowledge transformation.

Data Modeling: Windows vs Google
Entire disciplines, technologies and industry have been borne out of the incessant need to store and retrieve massive amounts of data in a useful manner. Man’s initial design followed a folder/file motif (Windows) to the point of saturation. He’s storing so much information it’s becoming difficult to store, browse and retrieve data efficiently.

As with anything good, he improvises by modeling nature. In this case a new search/find motif (Google) resembles his own brain in how it stores and relates data. Like his brain, where synapses or connections are strengthened by more use, search engine results are boosted by more queries and crosslinking.

Does the mind not weaken with age? Yes, because unused synapses in the brain weaken and lose or repress memory. With a lossy memory, he’s not inclined to retain our inhibitors of forgiveness like anger, frustration, anxiety and resentment. His brain is somewhat ordered toward forgiveness.

The Meaning of Time

If we can cause man to not forget, we’d buck the natural order toward forgiveness. By causing him to remember the injustices against him, in effect, we stop time. He’s stuck in a useful state of rage or fear or defensiveness.

This is not brain surgery (well, it kind of is, ha ha). The Enemy’s Church reveals the meaning of time through her cycles. The daily Liturgy of the Hours, the weekly call to Mass, the seasonal calendar are all ways man gets a glimpse of eternity with his creator. By participating in sacred worship structure, man joins his ancestors in the Universal Body of Christ in unending Sacred Tradition. This is why we love hearing people proclaim “I am spiritual, not religious.”

Theology of YouTube

In this missive, I’m suggesting that you and I turn the idea of remembrance inside out. That is, let’s call to mind the ugliness in life that once faded from memory, but now exists permanently in a global brain: the Internet.

As man is naturally ordered to forget, he is naturally ordered to forgive. Yet the obsession with storing data and information under the pretext of knowledge exposes an opportunity to subvert forgiveness. You’ll find this to be easy as the web becomes tightly integrated with culture.

The public Internet began with cataloging text and images from websites. The Wayback Machine archive yields all manner of regrettable statements that may originally have been offered under the delusion that the web is an erasable medium, or simply as an immature fool. Regardless, the ugliness is archived forever. And search engines ensure it is only a quick query away.

Like an infant’s brain, as the Internet’s physical network grows, it accommodates more realistic communication schemas like audio and video. We can strike on two fronts using visual stimuli (online video) as well as aural stimuli (hearing oneself read text). Both methods strengthen synapses for stronger memory. Eyes truly are the doors to their souls. Garbage in, garbage out. More truth in clichés.

We’ve enjoyed television and film, but those were one-way conduits. Online video sites like YouTube enable true interactivity as it is produced by participants. The content is more personal to both producer and viewer, so each is more invested in the communication.

We are poised to attack. There is no precedent in history of this level of knowledge retention. Things said when people are young and foolish will come to haunt them. The most popular playback on video websites inevitably are the ugliness in life; crashes, selfish sexual behavior, humiliation and disrespect for authority. This is evident of our influence. Let’s continue to perpetuate unforgiveness.

This is antithetical to the Enemy’s plan. Since the fall in the Garden, people have broken their covenant with their Creator, yet he’s always forgiven them. Look to the rainbow after the flood. Moses leading the Israelites to the Promised Land. Christ instituted the sacraments so man may reconcile himself back to God when he sins. The Enemy wants everyone to heal his mystical body just as one’s own body heals after an injury. Mercy, borne from infinite love, is the essence of his relationship with man.

Therefore, we must show man no mercy. Steer your patient toward online videos of cruel pranks, humiliation, soft porn and plane crashes. Show pop stars falling off stage, politicians singing off key, teen angst and personal manifestos. Encourage him to judge the mistakes of others and to make rash comments in public forums. Let them see the ordinary faults of a fallen race and do not let them forget.

Warmest Regards,